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When to throw in the towel and when to work through it: 3 topics to discuss with your partner before starting marriage counseling in Colorado Springs, CO

Despite your best efforts, it has happened again.

You have found yourself locked in yet another argument with your significant other. Something was said or done that hurt your feelings. So, you try your best to communicate your feelings with your spouse. You think you are starting to make some headway and then WHAM. You are sent a message (verbally or nonverbally). This lets you know that you, in fact, have not made a single step forward in getting your partner to understand why you’re hurt. You think to yourself, “How can somebody I love so much leave me feeling so hurt?” At this point, you are getting overwhelmed with a barrage of feelings – sadness, anger, rejection, loneliness. Just to name a few.

You have spiraled.

A couple sits away from each other. They are looking forward to starting marriage counseling in Colorado Springs, CO with Altitude Counseling.

Now, you’re in a place where you begin to question if you can realistically make this relationship work long-term. As if you needed another emotion to add to your plate, another one slowly creeps in – guilt. Then, you start to feel guilty for thinking thoughts like, “Is this person truly my soul mate?” Or, “do soul mates even exist, or is it an unattainable myth sold to us by hopelessly romantic dreamers that must be completely out of touch with reality?”

 If this rings true for you, know that you are not alone in feeling these emotions and thinking these thoughts.

Unfortunately, however, these myths and expectations are everywhere. With social media connecting us all, we have gotten caught up in putting our best foot forward. And, hiding behind the façade of having the perfect relationship and/or the perfect family. We are inundated with images of smiling couples and families dressed in perfectly coordinated color schemes. That, really, you know were designed to elicit likes and comments that flatter. You can’t help but to feel so utterly and painfully alone. Now, you begin to wonder, “What is wrong with me?” The short, (admittedly oversimplified) answer – NOTHING! It is normal to have conflict in relationships. And, it is normal to experience highs and lows. It’s also normal to feel moments of closeness and moments of disconnection with your partner.

But even still, marriage counseling can help.

You do not have to fear that your relationship is doomed to fail because you are currently feeling out of sync with your partner. Instead of heading to your kitchen to find comfort food that you may (or may not) feel guilty about consuming later, let’s get try something else. Try to initiate a conversation about the following topics. This can help you gauge if you feel that your relationship is salvageable. Or, if it is time to make the hard call and throw in the towel.

Here are 3 topics to discuss with your partner before starting marriage counseling in Colorado Springs, CO

Topic 1 to discuss before starting marriage counseling: Relationship expectations

A couple sits next to each other. They are feeling better since starting marriage counseling in Colorado Springs, CO with Altitude Counseling.

This seems like such a basic conversation. But, the truth of the matter is, it’s not. When we first get involved with someone, we are wearing rose-colored glasses. And, we feel so excited about how much “we are one” with the other person. So, we assume the other person sees things exactly the way we see them. Often, we hold certain values and expectations. And, sometimes forget to check in with the other person. We’re not seeing if their values and expectations align with ours before we jump into the relationship.

For example, let’s consider monogamy.

If monogamy is your norm, you may enter a relationship thinking that the other person is going to be monogamous with you. Sometimes, even if you did not have an explicit conversation about it. Take some time to reflect on exactly what you expect from a relationship. And, see if those expectations are aligned with what your partner expects.

Topic 2 to discuss before starting marriage counseling: Sex

I know – it can be quite difficult and uncomfortable to engage in this discussion. You don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings. Or worse – have them hurt yours! Broaching the topic of sex can feel like opening Pandora’s box. However, this must be done. Examining your sex life and your level of satisfaction with it can speak volumes about your relationship. Have you all reached the point of sleeping in separate bedrooms? Can you both remember the last time that you had sex? Do you feel comfortable enough to ask your partner for things you enjoy sexually? These are some things to explore in the conversation about sex with your partner.

Topic 3 to discuss before starting marriage counseling: Current level of satisfaction in the relationship

A couple runs together. They are feeling better since starting marriage counseling in Colorado Springs, CO with Altitude Counseling.

This is one of the things I ask of couples that come to see me. Rate on a scale of 1 – 10 (10 being completely satisfied) what their current level of satisfaction is in the relationship. Why do I do this? Because it is not uncommon for one partner to say, “I was blindsided by learning how unhappy my partner is.” “I did not see this coming – they hit me with this out of the blue. We were fine one minute, then the next, I hear my partner wants to leave!” It is no one’s fault – life makes us busy. We get caught up in chasing what we want. That promotion at work, juggling kids’ school schedules and activities, trying to make dinner. Or, literally anything else in our life.

And, we don’t notice our partner is feeling disconnected from us.

It is possible (and it does happen) that there are not any big blow-out fights. No ultimatums were given. No crosswords exchanged. And yet, our partner’s satisfaction level of the relationship plummets low without it ever occurring to us. And sometimes, it ends without us being ready for it or knowing what to do next. So, take time to check-in and compare what your level of satisfaction is in the relationship compared to your partner’s.

Having these conversations will help you glean information to guide your next move.

Maybe you learn that your relationship expectations are completely at odds. And, there is no way you can ever meet in the middle. Or, you discover that your partner would like to work on improving your sex life. You thought your sex life was amazing, but your partner feels differently. Perhaps you learn that you and your partner are evenly matched in satisfaction levels. And, the moment of disconnection you are feeling is disproportionate to the overall distress in your relationship. Your relationship is perfectly healthy and just experiencing a temporary rough patch. Whatever comes from having these conversations will be valuable.

If it’s time to start marriage counseling in Colorado Springs, CO, we can offer that.

A couple lays on the couch. They are happy since starting marriage counseling in Colorado Springs, CO with Altitude Counseling.

Marriage counseling can help you get on track, whatever the track looks like. We’re here if you do in fact decide the relationship is salvageable. But, maybe needs some help to get back on track. You can always reach out to us here. We would be happy to assist you in finding your way back to feeling close and connected to your partner. We’re able to work with you in our Colorado Springs-based counseling practice or through online therapy in Colorado. When you’re ready to begin marriage counseling in Colorado Springs, CO, follow these steps:

  1. Schedule a consultation with us.
  2. Meet our team of expert marriage counselors.
  3. Have those tough, or easy, conversations.

Other related services for counseling in Colorado

Couples counseling
Premarital counseling
Online therapy in Colorado
Individual therapy
Therapy for men
Divorce recovery
Postpartum counseling

Speak Your Mind


300 Garden of the Gods Rd, Ste 200
Colorado Springs, CO 80907
(719) 428-2952

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